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The Funeral

a.  Functions of the funeral:  When we participate in a funeral, we are participating in a ritual that is as old as time.  Since the beginning, man has felt the need to do something when a death occurs.  From observing a moment of silence to participation in an elaborate state funeral, the funeral is an opportunity for survivors and friends to share love, respect and grief.  The funeral offers a time to give and receive support.  It provides a place for an open outward expression of feelings of loss.  Through the use of the funeral ceremony, the bereaved take the first steps toward adjustment to life without their loved one.

b.  The parts of a funeral ceremony:  Because the funeral ceremony reflects a life lived, and because we live our lives in so many diverse ways, with customs and traditions rooted in our religious, ethnic or community customs...there is no one description that fits a funeral.  If the ceremony has meaning for those left behind, if it acknowledges the reality of death and if it sets the bereaved on the path to a new life without their loved one, it fills the needs it is meant to fill.  There are so many components that make up a funeral ceremony.  Here are some to consider:

c.  Visitation, calling hours, and wakes:  Three names for one basic idea.  A time to come together as a group to share the loss of a significant person.  Visitations and wakes can last from a few private moments a family spends alone with a loved one to all night vigils.  Personal traditions and preferences usually guide the choice made.  Some religious beliefs dictate whether such visitation or viewing of the deceased body is appropriate.

d.  The funeral service....in a church or a funeral home:  Family and friends come together to give each other comfort and remember the deceased.  While most funerals are religious in nature, they can also have secular portions.  The use of personal friends as eulogists in addition to clergy is appropriate.  your clergy person or funeral professional can guide you on your choices for funeral services in houses of worship or funeral homes.  Some type of procession to the place of burial or entombment usually follows these services.

e.  The Graveside Service:  Family and friends gather at the graveside with clergy or a leader for remembrance and committal of the casketed body or cremated remains.  A tent may be erected near the grave with chairs placed under it for convenience.

f.  Services in a cemetery chapel:  Similar to a graveside service, committals are also held in chapels erected within cemetery grounds.  After the service, the casketed body or cremation urn is taken to the grave for burial or to the mausoleum for entombment.

g.  Direct burial or immediate disposition:  This type of service is the least common offered by the funeral professional.  Generally, the body is prepared, but not embalmed, unless requested by the family or preplanned by the deceased.  Direct burials or immediate dispositions are generally completed when there is no family or others to take part in services.

h.  Memorial Service:  A memorial service can take place any time following a death.  It need not be part of a service with a viewing.  The body is not present for a memorial service.  Memorial services may take place in any location and are often held days or even weeks after the death has occurred.  Memorial services allow the survivors to fondly remember the person who died through music, readings and photographic remembrances, as well as prayers and meditation.  Families who originally wished for no formal funeral services at the time of death often arrange to have memorial services at a later time.

i.  Military Honors:  For those who have served for their country, military honors are a special part of the funeral and a long standing tradition.  On January 1, 2000, the Department of Defense began implementing the "Honoring Those Who Served" plan to provide military honors for veterans.  Upon a family's request, the law requires that every eligible veteran receive a military honors ceremony to include folding and presenting the United States burial flag and the playing of Taps.  The military honors detail consists of two or more uniformed military persons with at least one member of the veteran's parent service of the Armed Forces.  The department of Defense program allows the funeral professional to request military honors on behalf of the family.  When military honors at a national cemetery are desired, they are arranged prior to the committal service by the funeral home.

j.  The funeral procession:  The funeral procession is one of the oldest parts of the funeral service dating back to the beginning of history.  The funeral procession tells all who see it that a death has taken place and that those participating are part of a ritual of saying goodbye.  The funeral home staff members advise family, pallbearers and friends of their proper place in a procession from the church, synagogue or funeral home to the place of burial or entombment.

k.  About monuments and markers:  After burial of casketed or cremated remains, it is traditional to mark the grave in a special manner.  Markers, headstones, plaques or monuments are most commonly used.  It is not necessary that you select a memorial immediately.  Decisions such as this should be made carefully, for they are lasting tributes.  Cemetery requirements control the type, size and placement of markers.  Before making a purchase, check with your cemetery for any regulations it may have.

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